Snarry Games
by Ahja Reyn
Summary: A collection of shorts highlighting the ways Harry Potter drives Severus Snape up the walls.
1. Chapter 1

**Rubber Ducky  
_for Gwyllion_**

'_What just happened?_'

Shocked green eyes bore into Severus' as he stared incomprehensibly at the familiar face before him, his lips still puckered and his hands still poised together just below his chin with his palms up, now devoid of what he had been holding not even moments before.

His reaction time was embarrassingly slow and Severus could practically feel the milliseconds speed up as his own eyes widened.

"Potter!" he roared, jumping back only to hit the side of the tub, splashing a wave of water onto the floor as a result.

Just as eager to put some distance between them, Harry Potter scrambled to the opposite side of the bath, bringing to Severus' attention that his student was very much naked. It was wrong on so many levels – to be naked with a student in the same room, regardless of if the room was a bathroom.

Hurriedly herding bubbles to help block any view Potter may have of his body, the Potion's professor did his best to look as dignified as possible despite his racing pulse. "What the _hell_ are you doing in my bath?"

"You _kissed_ me!" Potter's not-quite accusing tone contained hints of confusion, fear, anger, daze, and a touch of trauma.

"How dare you accuse me of such indecency! I would never do such a thing even if my life depended on it!" Severus defended, ignoring the way his adrenaline was rushing with hot rage.

"You kissed me…" It was clear Potter was going into shock.

Abruptly standing up, Severus felt momentarily at a loss as he looked down at his pupil. "Get out of my tub," he ordered, reaching down and grabbing the boy none-too-gently by the arm.

"But you kissed--" Potter was cut off by the towel thrown on his head.

"I didn't kiss _you_, I was kissing my rubber duck," Severus snapped as he yanked Potter out of the bathtub. "Go on, cover yourself up."

Slipping a bit as he was forced to gain his own footing, Potter reached for the towel and hurriedly wrapped it around his waist, squinting a bit as he tried to focus on Severus' face.

"But I _was_ the rubber duck," he explained, looking away as he realized the man was stark naked. "Professor, I swear I didn't mean to – it was one of Fred and George's--"

"Potter, I don't give a damn why you were a rubber duck, and I don't want to know how you ended up in my chambers. But if I ever hear so much as a whisper about what happened here tonight or find 'Professor Snape has illicit relations with bath toys' scribbled on the walls in the toilets, professionalism be damned, I will hunt you down and make you wish the Dark Lord succeeded in what he set out to do that night sixteen years ago. Do I make myself clear?"

Potter nodded rapidly. "I-yes, sir. I'm sor-I-I'll just-leaving. Never happened."

Remaining unmoving for several minutes after Potter dashed out, Severus listened carefully before deeming it safe enough to open one of the drawers under his sink and pull out a lobster hand puppet towel. Climbing back into the tub, the professor peacefully resumed his bath.


	2. Chapter 2

**The Magic of Vibrators  
_for Ivvymoon_**

_Tap-tap-tap-tap-tap…tap-tap-tap-tap-tap…tap-tap-tap-tap-tap…_

Professor Severus Snape paused in his grading of the previous class' exams.

_Tap-tap-tap-tap-tap_

What was that? _Who_ was that? Looking up, his eyes scanned the room trying to find a movement that matched the noise. What he found was Harry Potter tapping his wand against the edge of his cauldron as he impatiently waited for the potion to brew.

Biting back the first three remarks he was tempted to bark out, Severus massaged his temples. This was a class of Seventh Year students. Common sense dictated one does not hover their wand over a brewing potion, let alone bang it against the cauldron unless specifically instructed to do so.

As the sound continued, Severus realized Granger wasn't sitting close enough to Potter to explain to him just why what he was doing was a bad idea. Quickly growing annoyed at how Potter's brain refused to kick into gear, Severus finally picked up his own wand.

"_Accio_ Harry Potter's wand."

The class looked up, startled. None were more shocked that Severus himself when what came flying at him was _not_ Potter's wand, but a slightly sizeable package from one of the other students' schoolbags.

Catching the box with both hands, Severus held it out to read what the label said.

**_Need a hero for the night?_**

NEW! Harry Potter's Wand

Size and shape exactly like the real thing! Vibrates for your pleasure!

Severus gagged a bit he focused on the picture, quickly lowering the box from sight before changing his mind and holding it above his head.

"What." His voice frosted the room over. "Is this?"

Jaws dropped as the class registered just what he was holding and even at a distance, he could see the color drain from Potter's face.

"I-I was drunk at the time!" Potter defended, eyes wide as he shook his head in denial. "They told me nothing would actually-!"

"That's more than enough, Mr. Potter," Severus promptly interrupted. "As much as we all know how the world tends to revolve around you, I wasn't looking for your explanation on the matter. I want to know whose this is and what it is doing in my classroom."

No answer at all was forthcoming, and while it should have been easy to find the culprit based on their reaction alone, Severus actually found himself at a bit of a loss. More than one student was blushing deeply and even more were staring determinedly into their cauldrons. As the implications of what this meant sunk in, Severus blanched and lowered the box to the desk.

Sitting down heavily, he started writing an urgent letter to the Headmaster.

They were going to have to conduct a school-wide search. More than one of these obviously existed on campus.


End file.
